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| Our Newest 30 |
| paintbynumbers | 8/21/08, 2:50 pm |
| chanelikaa | 8/21/08, 12:47 pm |
| deadtotheheart | 8/20/08, 3:47 pm |
| ladybirid | 8/20/08, 12:01 pm |
| charmkaster | 8/19/08, 1:10 pm |
| hotflash | 8/18/08, 9:23 pm |
| pomegranate | 8/16/08, 1:44 pm |
| happybirthday | 8/16/08, 1:34 am |
| lookslikenight | 8/15/08, 9:58 pm |
| alexamcg | 8/15/08, 12:51 am |
| rachelj220 | 8/14/08, 12:49 am |
| turtlemoonwave | 8/13/08, 11:12 pm |
| brwnxsuga | 8/13/08, 4:03 pm |
| likearainbow | 8/13/08, 3:14 pm |
| scoot | 8/12/08, 1:00 pm |
| refrigerator | 8/11/08, 7:27 am |
| whatjesicasaid | 8/10/08, 2:34 pm |
| talldreamz | 8/08/08, 2:26 am |
| starstocanine | 8/06/08, 12:07 am |
| flawlesssecret | 8/05/08, 8:05 pm |
| mistergoguels | 8/05/08, 1:20 am |
| yurisaki | 8/03/08, 4:57 am |
| compactdisc | 8/02/08, 8:10 am |
| chikolata | 8/01/08, 12:15 pm |
| beachbttms | 8/01/08, 3:04 am |
| anonymouspostr | 7/31/08, 3:18 pm |
| imgodsgirl | 7/31/08, 2:03 pm |
| smurfbaybay | 7/31/08, 1:45 pm |
| livelaughlove3 | 7/30/08, 10:01 pm |
| sk8erchic17 | 7/29/08, 10:40 am |
2 people have joined today, so far!
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| What's New at sitDiary? |
| Sit Chat - Now Available (0) |
8/21/08, 10:01 am |
Hey,
Just so you know, there's now a chat box available on the main page for all registered users.
Thanks,
Scott |
| (4) Comment/Read more on the news diary >> |
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| bleh. (0) |
| by anarchy99 on August 21st, 2008 @ 4:38pm |
Is SitDiary freaking out again??
Figures.
I find this place pretty stupid these days anyway.
****
LHU on Saturday.
♥
Should be a blastttt timess tennn. =]
My roommate sounds nice. =]
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| Being Alone (5) |
| by paintbynumbers on August 21st, 2008 @ 3:34pm |
is what I fear most,
when everything fades
into the silent caress,
of my deepest,
darkest.
secrets.
I have known all along that what awaits and what writes the ever boastful obituary of my innermost thoughts is depression.
Sometimes I feel wonderful. with him; A LOVER -- only when he's gone it twists into a gruesome face with knots and a menacing feeling like swallowing a dagger pulls me under and forces my very breath from my lungs.
like. nothing, will. ever. make me... happy
sometimes i wonder how my life will be or would have been if i had died.
if i had just suffocated. let anoxia take me over.
but i know that's just silly to dwell on bad memories of the past.
I am confused...
What is the date? I guess I lost track of days when they started melting into nights alone with my lover. When things are innocent.
unsure fingers graze skin so white. tremors are what those fingers feel, it is like walking into the dark. something so frightening about giving yourself to someone yet something that feels so right, so sinful that it becomes paradise.
I guess my problem is that I am afraid to change. I want to rewind to when i was fourteen, listen to the p.a system once more. But now? now...everything is different, the people, the places, the feelings. I don't want those memories to fade away, lose them forever. I want to re-live that time in life when things were so utterly and completely different. from what they are, NOW.
Okay third edit. 3 poems later. I figure I should bare my soul on the internet.
On November 15th 2004 I attempted to fly.
suicide is an ugly thing, I still have the scar from where the rope bit into me. I know that i had friends, i had my vices, but at that point I didn't really care. My parents were oblivious as ever to my little stunts as they called them. I kept a journal.
a very PERSONAL;PRIVATE;journal.
that was taken from MY backpack, and passed around a circle of shrinks and nurses, and pigs and parents to read and mock me. My dad says Mum has never been the same since that faithful day. my attempt at flight.
I harboured a strong resentment against quite a few people at that time, I was angry at my Father for not being strong and going back to the bottle. I was mad at my Mum for not being there for me at such a turbulent time in my life. I was mad at my best-friend in the world for not caring about my problems too, for being so god-damn selfish! Most of all I was mad at myself. for being so timid, hiding my problems with a blade a bandage and an attitude, for being so naieve. for being so abused, and for wanting to be used by anyone.
You must understand I have never admitted that to anyone but it feels so amazing to have released it.
Sometimes I miss cutting. I miss the blade biting the flesh, my flesh and the shocking crimson flow and smear my once white as paper skin. I was told when I was in the hospital that if you cut for a long period of time, those feelings take some time to dissolve.
well, well doctor it has been FOUR FUCKING YEARS!!!
sometimes my infatuation with sharp objects gets the best of me, and i stare obsessively at the shard of glass, or the broken plastic, longing to...release tension that i am feeling.
When I was finally done with the hospitals, I had a new house, because a month after my "Leap of faith" our old one burnt to the ground. my mother cried about her fucking cats that were stuck in the fire. I had a new school. They wouldn't let me back to my school, so I didn't attend class, I rebeled for a long time. until I met him.
The most wonderful man in the world. the day to my night. I could never top the love that I feel for him. if I fucked it up and lost him. I'd fuck myself up good. I'd do it slow to teach me that I will be no more than a fuck up, what i've thought all along, so that my mother wouldn't even be able to recognize me. He gave me a new outlook on life, one i like. He taught what it was like to love someone, and i need his morphine drip. it keeps me alive. He smiles and it is like nothing else, he makes me feel like I am standing on the top of the world. I quit most of my bad habits for him, I have been clean and drug-free for almost two years now. I owe him my life.
It hurts me that he worries about me cheating on him, or that I will stop loving him, because I want him to know, that he is my everything. my reason to live.
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| "Not today mother fucker" (1) |
| by hotflash on August 21st, 2008 @ 3:09pm |
Gotta love Winds of Plague.
Well, I've been thinking and realized something, things are down right now, but when things are down, it shows truly what kind of a person you are, courageous, a coward, a realist, cynical, all that good stuff, and I was just being a coward with a lot of things, because I realized, things are done until you think that they are, and I'm not even close to that point, so I'm going to keep trying, and I'm going to get through it all, and I will make it better, because I mean hey, I'm Jeremy, it's what I do.
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| 55 (0) |
| by swimurmaid on August 21st, 2008 @ 2:09pm |
So Chelsea is now dirt poor.
I have about.. 28 cents to my name. Right Now.
It's alright though.
I'm going to Australia and Thailand FOR SURE now, and I have all the shots I'll need for almost the rest of my life.
I HATE needles.
I have all the attire I need for Arizona and a sturdy job to go back to so as to make the rest of the money I'll need before I leave for Australia in December.
I'm getting out of Cache Valley which more than just a little relief off my back. And I'm heading down to see my awesome sister for a few days.
Plus the soul mate and I are going to go dancing tomorrow night and I'll get to SEE the Dark Knight with her and Jas also.
All of my stuff is laundered, packed and ready to go. My hair is cut I have all the new music I wanted. I withdrew from school for a year and have just about EVERYTHING under control for the time being.
I may or may not have a check coming in the mail the next little while. All the junk they wouldn't give me until I fulfilled my contract! That should be another healthy couple hundred.
That's what I'm banking on anyways.
Now the only things to get done are....
..putting my new software on my computer for my camera. Spending some time with Sarah and Emily.
Showering.
Showering.
Showering.
Showering.
Getting ready for the day and cleaning up my room.
:)
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| I'm so fucking bipolar (1) |
| by dressedtokill on August 21st, 2008 @ 2:01pm |
2:54 PM
I opened up a savings bank account at Commerce Bank yesterday.
The amount of money that I have in it is so sad.
At least I opened an account though.
I'm starting to eat healthy...today. Haha.
Please let this last.
I've decided to not eat any fast food, pizza, and not to eat anything at all 3 hours before I go to bed.
I'll be guarenteed to lose a good 10 pounds by september.
I went to Point Pleasant boardwalk last night with kevin, cody, their mom, and kevin's cousin candy and her husband gradey and their son brandon. It was fun.
Kevin basically has a job. THANK GOD.
He has an interview at McDonalds on Sunday. How can you possibly go wrong with McDonalds?
I got all emotional and bipolar and shit last night on the phone with Kevin. I was hysterical crying, basically because I'm afraid to lose him. We talked for about 2 hours until 1:00 in the morning. It was a pretty deep, heart to heart talk and it made me feel a lot better about many things.
I just feel like I can't trust anyone.
Something's defintiely not right in my head.
Ha.
I'm hanging out with Jen in a bit. We're going to Ocean County College to find our classes and we might go to South tonight to watch their band practice and say hi to everyone.
I'm not really sure what we're doing actually.
Till Next Time.
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| Long Walks (2) |
| by euphony on August 21st, 2008 @ 1:34pm |
Last night on one of my early early morning walks, I rescued a moth from a mud puddle. For a long time afterwards I wondered why exactly I did it. I doubt many other people would have bothered. Many would have just killed it slowly for the hell of it. And I wondered if I thought I was trying to please the omnipresent. The idea of "God" is so engraved into society that even as an athiest I subconciously considor God's point of view. How shitty is that?
Then I walked over to yale park. At exactly 2:30, a tortoise cat walked up to my swing out of nowhere and started rubbing up against my leg. So I pet him for about 15 minutes and went home.
I think everyone should go on long walks at night. I got a lot of good thinking done. I didn't get anywhere with it, but it was still good. And anyone who has done it and who lives in Transcona would know that it's pretty safe, and easy to avoid problems if you keep your eyes and ears open. It's also peaceful as hell; nobody cares that you're there, nobody can see you, and the world shuts up for a few hours.
School approaches. Oh no! Yay!
--Kyra
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| give me that second chance (1) |
| by shmeowmeow on August 21st, 2008 @ 1:30pm |
court today at 2 30...
im nervous
my family gets to hear about how much i suck
i really wish i could take it back
but life goes on
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| Life (12) |
| by chanelikaa on August 21st, 2008 @ 12:52pm |
Im confused.com
haha
Love Tv, but ALWAYS skip the adverts! I havent really looked through this site yet! is it some random site for emos who spill out all their emotions about self abuse, sex, drugs, (rock and roll(sorry, couldnt resist)) coz if it is im leaving. had enough of that in my life!!
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| I never knew (8) |
| by hotflash on August 21st, 2008 @ 12:16pm |
I never thought that things could end up like this, but hey, things don't go according to plan sometimes, and you just have to deal with it.
But in all honesty, the majority of this situation could have been avoided really well, on my side anyways, just need to go about trying in a different way, to where we arn't trying to keep the old ways, but just trying to keep us, us. I mean, if I just heard "I miss you, I want to see you, I love you", I'd feel just so much better, and it just feels like you just don't want to do it anymore, which if you don't please do whatever will make you happy, but if not, please really try with me.
You do make me happy, and you said you want to make me happier, so, I'm telling you right now what to do to make me happier, just tell me whats on your mind, tell me how you feel about me, and if you love me, like if you really do, then tell me, often. That's a start to what you wanted to do, so if you were really serious, then do that please.
I hope you really are taking this seriously.
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| The Queen of Spain and The Fox (4) |
| by lilbit on August 21st, 2008 @ 11:34am |
So you told me that this would be simple. A brand new scar to show where I truly stand in life; like the notches in a doorway where a parent marks the growth of their offspring.
You told me that something of what I previously had would be held over, kept, until days far into the future where I, and whatever would have been left, would look back upon the days of my now present and laugh about how things could have been ruined but were saved.
You, oh grand liar that you are, looked deep into that pure crystal ball that you held, as now, in the palm of your hand and spoke, as you once again do, of how I would rebound off of some lonely, unsuspecting object and sooner than later be alright with where I am.
Well, you lied to me in the past as you do in the present and as you more than likely will again do in the future, and I, the fool that I am, fall every time into believing you.
|
| Sit Chat - Now Available (21) |
| by news on August 21st, 2008 @ 10:01am |
Hey,
Just so you know, there's now a chat box available on the main page for all registered users.
Thanks,
Scott
|
| Make Sex (6) |
| by iampoison on August 21st, 2008 @ 10:01am |
I close my eyes in fear again, the liquid that takes all the pain.I sit and watch the distant need,That cracks me up and makes me bleed.A fragment of eternity, is all I ever need to see.
I haven't slept in 56 hours.
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| are you serious (1) |
| by blazinbabii2 on August 21st, 2008 @ 9:55am |
found out last night that kerri also spent the night at kelly's/
FUCKING GREAT.
i am just so confused and hurt right now. i don't know if i can trust kelly. he told me he doesn't give a fuck what i do in charleston because whenever i come home i'm coming home to him and that's all that matters to him.
i just don't feel that way towards him. i do care what is going on with him in myrtle beach. godd.
i honestly have no idea what to do anymore. i honestly thought we were different this time and this shit keeps fucking coming up. i don't want to leave him but at the same time i don't even know what to say anymore.
why now kelly. if you had told me the truth a few days ago when i found out, last night would have been what it was meant to be. stop doing this shit to me, stop making me confused. i love you too much for it. fuuuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkk
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| The Willing Man (8) |
| by someguy on August 21st, 2008 @ 8:49am |
There was a moment yesterday when I was out in a town sitting on a bench while waiting for someone; and when waiting, I was remembering my mom and how she would sometimes ask me to wait on that same bench for her while she would go into the store in front of me so to quickly buy something. I remembered how when she would often come back out with what ever she had bought, she would be looking at me smiling as if she had done something cheeky.
With my mom on my mind then, I guess it was no surprise I dreamt of her last night – and it was a rather sweet dream of her too. We were shopping for Christmas and she was dressed as she would often be during the winter – wearing her long black coat which would be zipped right up to under her chin so to keep all her body and neck warm. She was very cheerful in the dream, and I as I always was with my mom, was affectionate to her – giving her hugs and leaving kisses on her forehead. I can’t really remember how the dream ended, but I do remember how much she was smiling in the dream and that is something I miss so much – her smile.
And when thinking about my mom, it sometimes takes me back to this demeanour... "There are more important things in this World than what I want, or care about and love".
I've learnt though that the greater man will do everything in his power for both, for there is nothing that limits us but only our will. A willing man has no end to what he can do – dare even that he may one day fly if only he wills himself hard enough.
I think I’m regaining the burden again – the responsibility – it wants to begin again, but I feel good about it. This time I’m learning how burden, if used well, can push us to be a better person – to fight a better fight. On the other side of this burden, I can be forgetful. I sometimes forget that the ‘dream’ cares for me as much as I also care for the ‘dream’ – I should really never forget that.
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| she (2) |
| by hellboy on August 21st, 2008 @ 8:20am |
is the one i love.
Hell to live with, but death without her!
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| stillness of earth and self (9) |
| by mteerie on August 21st, 2008 @ 6:16am |
there are moments in my life where things stand still,I stop and notice everything around me and it all blends together.The music thats playing in my ears,the people around me,every movement a object makes. At this moment I'm Happy as if I'm a person in a movie that is having a life changing realization . They take place at night when thoughts are meant to rest. I'm a different person then Im my true self, imaginative,smart,and relaxed. Even if no one will see this side,i believe i prefer it that way
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| [1456] the littlest mermaid (2) |
| by ilickdoorknobs on August 21st, 2008 @ 5:23am |
BAHAHAHAHAhAhahaha.
its hot in here.
after Sunday, its hard to get to bed before 3am.. i was doing so good too. i was going to bed at 12ish! that's huge people..
Tim's building sold :] well they have a contract and stuff signed.. who knows how much he'll get but it'll just be really really good.. now the wedding wont feel so much like a burden. because a wedding should feel like nothing but all the good stuff.
tim called that penny lady from the pet store, and she conveniently wasn't there.. jerks. he said he'd call them again.. but i think i might take matters into my own hands. they can't get away with this. also. i might go down to the courthouse and get the free legal advice on Mondays.. why not right? couldn't hurt. I'm sure they could come up with something i can't. we could use an objective opinion.
i think i have a doctors appointment tomorrow.. or today actually. i might cancel it. really not in the mood for some stranger to poke around at my bits.
altho, i told talia i would call her after i went to the doctor to discuss doctorly things. or she would call me and we'd compare notes. haha. but that was a while ago. maybe she just hasn't been to a doctor yet.
i feel so stressed out. ever since Sunday.. or maybe a day or 2 before.. I've had this weird lumpy bubble feeling in my chest/throat. almost like a cross between a lump in your throat when your sad and needing to burp.. i think its just stress on top of stress. its hard to breath sometimes :/
vannessa responded. i feel a little unsure of the message i sent back. like i should have just said blah blah blah I'm awesome and whatknot and left the truth in here. i guess it couldn't hurt tho. its not like i had anything to lose. lol. wait, thats not funny..
SO. i am wide awake at 3:18 and nothing to dooo.. i wanna exercise but then i'll be up till 5. AHHH! i hate sleep :[ i like to cuddle tho. but I'll just bother timmy and keep him up if i go in there like this.. i must exhaust myself..
tim is the littlest mermaid i know. lol.
yes you are.
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| missing dates (10) |
| by nobodyu on August 21st, 2008 @ 4:03am |
to bad
i hope theyre not loss
i like these comments from my old entires...
why deny the fact that im one of those person that must start over again and again till i hit rockbottem why delay it but then again do i still want that i mean i think i want something with more substance not artificial paradise i want menories that i can remenber and without feelings of shame guilt and what not i dont know i really dont know mabe i shall join up and serve community college just doesnt seem right right now i mean my fellow citizens are over there right now and are fighting and dieing while im home safe blessed not sleeping reading all night screwing up steering aimlessly on to the future i think i want more but i am not sure how to go about it or even what more even is
from 2d outline of box
around winter 04/spring 05?
i was 17
One thing people say about drugs is that u will find things while on them only to lose what u found out the next day when u are off the fun. That u do it its done and u can’t ever get anything meaningful from it.
Not true.
From relapse
spring 05/summer
To you
I surrender
body, mind, and soul.
You have defeated me
every possible
abstract, tangible way.
I am yours
Do as u please.
From love
spring 05/summer
why is there evil in this world
?
like
it there is a god that is all powerful all knowing and all good
why did 6million jews and other have to be murderd
?
for the greater good
?
what the fuck
!!!
from weird
fall 05
i been with christine for like only 3 months and were spending christday together
im happy but scared
(think thats an underlining theme to me?)
mabe but i dont think its too fast
From a little less
winter 05
what the fuck man really woman are fuckin crazyer then racoons and racoons are fuckin crazy
from sometimes
spring 06
but im a fake poser and pussy so mabe i wont
mabe ill just try to endure this life
or new one
or this one
or mabe that one
or none
fuck it
im just so sad all the time
so depress
i dont know
well yea
peace
from leap of faith
spring/ summer 06
i cant go on like this
i cant keep doing the crazy shit i do
or can i
i mean what do i want out of life?
i dont know anymore
so many things have change
so yea
life goes on
fuck it!
From almost died
summer/fallish 06
its like i am just so damn young and inmature and not capable of doing anything right or along the right line or something
but then now…
but then i just start thinkin about shit and it all goes to shit
but then it doesnt
like why am i not happy
like i jump up and down laughing out my lungs
all the time
and like things are sort of going well
so fuck God when will i know this is the right road
the right path or what ever shit man
i just want to know....
from trailer it
fall 06
damn like i changed alot since startin this diary i have
yep
im glad though
im glad that i still have room to grow to better my reality
im glad that i went thru what i did this year
i am stronger
im glad i have a family that loves me and puts up with my crazies
im glad i have my health or alive
im glad that u are readin this
im glad that i can get a card for weed
im glad that i saw all the shit i saw
this my life and i hope urs is not a fuckin tv show nothing goes as we plan and nothing is fairy tale i saw sufferin i suffered i know of what its like for others that have not much and i feel for them the most and envy them too
i want to feel more this new year then ever before
i know u could argue that this last year i felt more then before but i think ur missin the point
that was one way:
down
i felt the extreme of depression and self-loathing
now is the time to turn around and try other way cause i think this is what im lookin for
but Who knowns?
i will get in shape…
i plan on cuting down i cancer sticks…
i want to create more
i want to be more organized
i want to stop wantin and just be
i am....
from New year
Winter 06?
i think
I read through them all
it made me feel real good
im going to go try to fall asleep
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| Stealing Kisses (5) |
| by woesofaheart on August 21st, 2008 @ 3:03am |
So it has been years again. I dont even know how long actually. Perhaps its been a little less...Well life update. Adult life is about to start and I read these entries frm when I was 15 and can barely remember the pain that I went through. I cant remember most of it actually. Sometimes I think I blocked alot of it out because it just hurt too bad. Now it hurts again. I am dating someone and yes, even with years my largest problem continues to be men. i cant seem to catch a break with the gentlemen. I fall in love and get my heart broken. It is a typical story. First boy I meet at college. Best friends that eventually see we are destined for each other ha. We date for a while and then one day he realizes that he has to tell her that he has been using her and manipulating her because "i knew I could"...so yes, there you have it my first true heart break. Which brings us to the present...
There is a boy...my boyfriend actually (although I am never sure when that title will be revoked). He is a nice guy. He is smart and hard working. A neat freak and sensative. Mostly he love God. He tells me to be honest... I tell him whats on my heart. He is distant bc he doesnt want to be hurt. I have to help him and opps before you know it I am asking "who had the issue first?" Onece again, all that matters is him?! It is frustrating because I am fickle and his lack of leadership bothers me. However i was stuck. I didnt know how to respond nor do i think i would ever. I guess I am just tired..I forgot what is going on tomorrow, so I will just talk to you again when I am not out of my mind with tiredness.
She was stealing kisses from a boy
Now she is begging affection from a man.
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| You are the Words, I am the Tune (9) |
| by lilbit on August 21st, 2008 @ 1:33am |
This broken-hearted, tear-stained face is only my weekend disguise.
She knelt at the base of her full length mirror and surveyed the scene. She loved her look in blacklight.
Make-up containers were discarded around her knees. Her eyes shone orange. A dream image for the world she entertained inside of her head.
Lights came on in the other room; her door opened. You looked her up and down, not quite sure what to make of the situation. You asked what was wrong and sighed at the awaited answer.
She was beautiful in her underwear, legs bent to the side; her hair in a rustled mane.
She smiled at your ignorance and a tear slid down her cheek.
"What's the point of fighting this?"
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| comfort (3) |
| by sk1ppy on August 21st, 2008 @ 12:01am |
i dont know how to be happy. im turning into my mother. im so afraid of losing something, that im guarenteeing that it is lost. why is this? its a problem...its like the macbeth complex. but instead of being told my future, i've found happiness. but im not satisfied. why arent i satisfied? i need to stop focusing on the negative things in my life and what sucks about stuff and realize that i have amazing things. i need to be confident. i need to stop obsessing about jordan and i's success. its ruining us. im ruining us. why am i like this???? i pride myself on being laid back, and yet im more and more like my mother all the time. and she's so unhappy. she is unhappy in her mariage, in money, in jobs, and practically everything in her children. i cant be like that. i love her, but i need to stop acting like that. what good comes out of crying about everything and worrying and stressing and questioning. we dont know the answers to everything. if we did, life would be pointless. and who knows, maybe life is pointless. but that shouldnt stop me from living it to the best of my power. i need to just let it be. stop destroying the perfect relationship i have by expecting more. stop soaking in self pity and get off my ass and live my life. things arent going to just fall into place in my career. i need to be working. i need to relax and LET IT BE. and i need to apologize to jordan YET AGAIN for overreacting like i always do. WHY DO I DO THIS!?!?! im really frustruating myself. and if i dont change im going to be sad by whole life.
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| technology rocks (4) |
| by eviesee645 on August 20th, 2008 @ 11:18pm |
Not to brag, but I'm writing this entry on my iPod... Typing is a little slower than average but manageable. Technology is so amazing that it's a little scary. Ipods will take over the world someday...
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| weather lifted (1) |
| by lookslikenight on August 20th, 2008 @ 10:31pm |
Some... guest... at work tonight was wearing a gallon of god-awful cologne. My head swam every time I passed his table. When I made a dash for the restroom, I found my fellow bus girl got there before I did. Apparently she and I both have weak stomachs.
Angry man came in the restaurant tonight. I filled his water glass and he waited about two minutes before he stood up and yelled about slow service. I went home when I noticed that I was being glared at from across the restaurant.
My heels might break through my skin. I've walked so much over the past few days.
Couldn't sleep last night. Was scheming a romance.
Ron greeted me casually today. Chivalrously, Kenneth escorted me out to my car. We talked about old Nirvana songs and college majors. Like the jerk I am, I was only half paying attention cause my eyes were searching for another.
His grandmother made my between-shifts coffee. I need to learn more about coffee, it was pretty bad.
Didn't hear from Tabatha today. I texted her during my first break and between shifts. Hope she's okay. She sang to me on my voicemail at 2AM. She loved me twice.
I love her but I'm keeping my mouth shut about it.
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| No Title (4) |
| by sharingan on August 20th, 2008 @ 10:05pm |
The only reason i've logged back on is to say that i typed this entry on my cell phone. XD! I got a samsung instinct and it's fucking sweet. i highly recommend it to anyone. there is so much i could write about, considering it's been over a year since i've last updated, but i'm not in the mood today. anyway, i'll be in touch... hopefully...
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| last day (5) |
| by sk1ppy on August 20th, 2008 @ 9:34pm |
so. this is my last night living in this house. tomorrow i leave for school. what the fuck am i doing?
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| breathe me (2) |
| by takemewithyou on August 20th, 2008 @ 8:41pm |
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
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| 348 (12) |
| by vakkergotisk on August 20th, 2008 @ 8:37pm |
20 August
I suppose I'll have to document the date manually now. Only minorly frustrating.
I do, however, enjoy the new forum that has been created. Its fun to read what other people have to say about the site and hear their ideas.
I took a ride up to campus today. Got my student card, found the buildings my classes will be in (more or less), checked out my book situation. Five hundred fucking dollars! Thats my entire refund check right there. So much for hopefully saving some of it. I need to get smarter so that I can try to get a scholarship. Less money I'll have to pay back in loans.
Zach said if he gets to be night supervisor he'll get a raise, meaning I won't have to work as much. Meaning I'll have to focus on school more. School is a stressor in my life. I have pressure on me to find out what I want to do with my life, then I have the added stress to finish school once I finally decide what I want to do.
Maybe all that stress will affect my diet, I'll be so damn busy that I won't have time to eat? Haha, I can hope.
The girls standing in the row next to me are unnecessarily loud for a library. These college-aged girls are talking about where they are going on vacation. Europe and Central America are among their picks. Boy, how I long to have money to blow on a fucking cruise when I'm going to fucking college. What would it be like to not have rent to pay? Not have to keep on top of my money, no electric bill, phone bill. Not having to worry if I will have enough money to last me two weeks. Can I buy groceries? Is it possible that I'll be able to go out to eat once? Some people just have it so god damn easy, and scoff when us who actually work for our living say we can't afford to play. There are so many things that I want, new clothes, shoes, furniture, a fucking cruise.
Wow, didn't see that one coming.
Maybe one day I'll have money. Unfortunately I'll be too old to enjoy it.
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| BUSY!! (3) |
| by loveforever on August 20th, 2008 @ 7:39pm |
ok so i just got off work!!
I freaking miss you!! i work a full time job now so i am hardly ever home and my full time job i work mon-fri sat optional and sun, mon, tues and thurs i work at night at rosatis delivering. IM SOO BUSY!! nick and I ae about to quit delivering at night time cause it gets so hetcic and we dont make money any more!! gay I know!!
MY LOVE!! I HAVE MISSED YOU!!@@ I THOUGHT YOU FORGOT ME!!!! you know that you can call or text me anytime!! i miswssw you mucho mucho!!
well my house is a MESS!!!! for my and nicks 11 months on the 14th, he bought me roses, well they died the other day and my cats ju,ped on the table and messed them up so now my house is messy!! so i have to clean and do laundry and dishes!!! then after ima take a nap
\\
I LOVE YOU MUCHO!!!!
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| i cant get to you (3) |
| by morningat12 on August 20th, 2008 @ 7:33pm |
this is so much harder than it looks.
i dont know if im just pmsing today or what.. but i just feel so helpless. kelsey, last night when you saw me and chris having fun together (for the first time in a long time), you asked, "why arent you guys together?" and it really made me think. my response was, "'cause i fucked up". i know every time we are around each other we fight and every time i get upset about it. but the thing is, last night, when it was just him and me and you guys having such a good time like it really just made me miss everything. remember in veronica mars.. when logan said that he and veronica were epic? it reminds me of that. although im sure we are/were far from epic.
i thought our story was epic, you know. you and me.
epic how?
spanning years and continents ..lives ruined, bloodshed, epic. but summers almost (over), and we wont see each other at all. and then youll leave town, and then.. its over.
it is SO hard to just.. live. i wish i didnt think as much as i do.
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| 873 (9) |
| by advertisement on August 20th, 2008 @ 7:26pm |
6:15 Early Wednesday Evening (20 August 2008)
Stopping the Space Ship
i dreamt that my teeth fell out. it was so real...horrible. My mouth was a hideous mess. They're some of the worst dreams, definitely my most frequent nightmare.
I have a cold sore, and my right eyelid is swelling. Blah.
I ran into M today at the bookstore. That girl rocks, I love her. She's a card - it's hard not to have fun when you're hanging out with her.
And I managed to work for a full 8 hours today, hooray!
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